BEHIND THE SMILE

BEHIND THE SMILE

This week has felt really hard. Nothing specific, just a lot of things have left me feeling really low. And today I found stories from 2020 that made me feel both relieved and even lower than I did already. (Please see images)

As I'm writing this I find myself struggling to find the words to describe how I'm feeling, but I know I need to say something. For my own mental health and peace of mind, I need to let it out, it can't stay within me.

Fitting in and finding my place has never been my aim, even though unintentionally it feels like that's all I ever try to do. I don't want to be and know I wouldn't be comfortable being pigeonholed. Everyone seems to have an opinion or idea of what they think I should or shouldn't do, in both my life and with my Art. And that's not OK with me.

As I heal and navigate my way through each day I do have to constantly remind myself to be gentle, and brace myself for those parts I am going to meet, the parts I've been at war with. It's life, my experiences, my emotions, reactions and convictions. It's reliving and replaying all of this, that's how I HAVE TO process everything, through my Art, for it to make sense to me.

And by making it make sense to me, I hope I am helping you, in some way. That little reminder that accepting things at face value is not the only way.

I had to be reminded that all of this, everything that's happened this week, whether it's the big things or the little things, I have to feel them all. I have to feel them all to grow. To learn. To identify. To believe. And to heal. And that, that right there is the relief that came, it will lead to healing one day.

What I'm trying to say is whether you happen upon my figurative drawings, my abstract paintings, my detailed florals, my seascapes or any of my work, I have to make it all. I just have to. Its all part of who I am. There is no room for one category for me. It's all part of my creativity. My process. I have to feel my way through it all.

So behind the smile, behind the faces of me you see on here, there is more. So much more that you don't see, so that I, and my Art can be here.

Thank you for reading if you got this far xxx